Lake Norman Citizen Article

Fellow Citizen
Lake Norman Citizen
October 15, 2010

There are those who believe Lake Norman is patrolled by an elusive creature named Normie, who prowls the state’s “inland sea” looking for, well, something. The existence of the dinosaur-like creature who resembles a far more famous lake dweller, the Loch Ness Monster, has never been confirmed, much less interviewed, until now. He is this week’s Fellow Citizen.

What is your current state of mind?
Annoyed. Ever since I was a hatchling on the banks of McGuire Nuclear Station, hunters and fishermen have been looking for me. And now a numbskull reporter in a john boat catches me sunning myself on Julius Peppers’ dock. I thought it was safe here, him being in Chicago and all.

What makes you happy?
I’m a creature of simple tastes. A fine grass carp, maybe an occasional catfish. Watching for some maniacs speeding along in a cigarette boat to flip is one of my favorite pastimes.

What qualities do you value in a friend?
Friends? Until now, nobody really knew I existed. So you can either be my friend or I can make sure I keep the mystery alive, if you catch my drift.

If you had a motto, what would it be?
Be careful what you look for. You just may find it.

Which talent would you most like to have?
Breathe underwater. Wait. I’m an amphibian, scratch that. I’ve always wanted to learn to waterski. That looks like it could be fun.

What do you regret about your youth?
Growing up next to a nuclear power station. You know I’m supposed to be a turtle, right? 

Where is your favorite place?
Hey, I’m 30 feet long, I live in a lake and I am constantly being hunted by glory seekers. Where else can I go?

What would you do if you hit the lottery?
What’s a lottery?

On what occasion do you lie?
When I am talking about the big fish that got away. Hey buddy! Who do I have to lie to? Well, there is you.

What is your greatest treasure?
My collection of Rolexes and Oakley sunglasses constantly being lost by the weekend, ahem, “sailors.” That, and Kathy Hansil’s iPhone.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Staying hidden. Until now.

What is your best quality?
Breathing under water. Wanna give it a try yourself?

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I’d like to be smaller so I could hang out by the docks at Midtown Sundries. I hear there is some choice fish food tossed out there.

What is your guiltiest pleasure?
Creating phantom wakes in “no wake” zones. 

What would you rather be doing right now?
What I was doing before you interrupted me.

Lake Norman Citizen • PO Box 3534 • Huntersville, NC 28070 • Phone 704-948-3348 •